Telling Stories

Perhaps you find yourself in the situation where stating the facts doesn't seem to work. Somehow the message doesn't get through. You can tell that people aren't 'getting it' even though they insist they are - they can relate words back to you, but you suspect they haven't quite grasped the sense in which you used them.

One simple but effective strategy can be to tell a story. This might sound obvious – and many people do use stories as examples when they write. But their value is often underestimated. With the right story we might:

• bypass common misunderstandings;
• connect with a person's emotions;
• get our idea lodged in the listener's mind;
• provide people with something to remember and refer back to for guidance in the future;
• help people to believe what we are saying;
• send our idea out to spread on its own (something like a virus).

An example may help to illustrate this. We'll start with some facts:

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Facts
Person-centred planning can have really positive effects in terms of how the focus person is viewed by those around them – including their family members. It can help people to re-frame their understanding. It can help people see that those things that have been perceived as negative may also have a positive side.

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The problem is that we can relate to these facts at a surface level – never really being confronted by their depth, or bending our interpretation to fit an existing belief. People do this unintentionally – not through malice (usually). They can completely miss the point, while being sure they haven't.

Now… if we can use a story:

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Alastair's story
Alastair is an energetic boy in his last year at primary school. From his dad and teachers one thing I learned was that he is very forward in approaching people. His dad spoke about it being embarrassing when Alastair talked to complete strangers as if they were already the best of friends. His teachers spoke about other children being scared of his approach and withdrawing from him. They said this frustrated him and that his subsequent behaviour was very difficult. Most of the teachers clearly believed that Alastair didn't belong in a mainstream school.

We brought people who really cared about Alastair together around him to carry out a 'person-centred planning' session. A key feature of this was its positive focus, and we took the group through a conversation in which only a positive viewpoint was discussed. This was a moving experience for everyone, and one that left Alastair feeling much more positive about himself. Instead of speaking about Alastair's 'lack of social skills' the group instead discussed his 'directness' and 'no nonsense approach' as assets.

The process helped Alastair and the group to think of some pictures of a positive long-term future built around these assets – and to plan how to work towards them. This has already paid off. With a little help Alastair organised a sponsored walk raising funds for new school play equipment. He took to the role with enthusiasm, approaching other children, businesses, parents, and the council without embarrassment. So much money was raised that the school put a small plaque on the new equipment to say thank you.

Alastair still has some difficulties in his relationships at school, but some of his new friends there have become good mediators. There is a strong sense that he belongs there.

His dad tells me that both he and the rest of the family see Alastair in a new light, and that they are feeling much more positive about the future.

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Being more long winded, stories aren't necessarily an efficient way of conveying information. But in many situations it isn't a lack of information or clarity that is the problem. When we are promoting a new way of thinking or working we face much more challenging issues.

For instance, a new idea may be implicitly critical of existing ways of working or thinking (indeed this may be explicit). We are asking people to take the difficult step of accepting that their current understanding or work isn't up to scratch.

Linked to this is the problem of peer pressure. For people to accept our idea, to believe in an alternative, or to adopt new practice, they must be prepared to upset their peers (who also see it as critical). And people who adopt the idea become vulnerable, because those who are challenged by it will be on the lookout for proof of its foolishness. When we remember that the new idea or practice probably involves a good deal of uncertainty, then an initial reluctance to listen to us becomes very understandable.

The right stories are useful because they can help people to see themselves as joining with other visionaries in a proven new practice – when in reality they are stepping out of line and walking in new territory.